4th January 2013

Not all domestic violence leaves physical scars - psychological intimidation and extreme jealousy can be just as serious

The domestic violence charity Refuge found that 75 per cent of the women in their safe houses had experienced extreme jealousy and controlling behaviour.

In September, the Home Office broadened the definition of domestic abuse to include those who fall victim to psychological intimidation and controlling conduct. It is hoped that this will mean more prosecutions for those that bully their partners, take control of their finances or isolate them from friends and family.

Sandra Horley, chief executive of Refuge, said:

“People often think that domestic violence is only physical, but that’s not true. You don’t have to be hit to be abused. I have worked with many women whose partners have never laid a finger on them.

“Psychological, emotional, financial and verbal abuse are common forms of domestic violence. For some women, abuse may start as emotional and verbal, and escalate into physical violence. For other women, it may never turn into physical violence, but the cumulative effects of constant humiliation, criticism, threats, name-calling and manipulation can be just as devastating as kicks and punches. Over time, psychological abuse can wear down a woman’s self-esteem – like water dripping on a stone. We can think of it like this: physical abuse is an attack on a woman’s body; psychological abuse is an attack on her personality.”

Gwent’s chief constable, Carmel Napier, who is the lead on domestic violence for the Association of Chief Police Officers, says the public needs to realise how serious psychological abuse can be. “Domestic abuse is not just about violence and people having arguments. It’s about mental abuse and financial abuse, which isolates people from families and services and make it really difficult for them to leave,” she said. “That childhood saying that ‘sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you’ is not true. Many victims say that mental abuse, taking away their self-esteem and control, is worse than actual violence. The scale of the problem is really huge.”

Aside from the immeasurable personal cost of going through abuse, the bill for treating the mental disorder caused by domestic violence in Britain is an estimated £176m, according to research by Lancaster University.

Money is often central. In some cases, a bullying partner will assume control of all finances, leaving the victim almost penniless. A survey by Refuge found that 89 per cent of women they helped endured economic abuse as part of their experience of domestic violence. Of these, almost half said their abuser had interfered with their education and employment, and 74 per cent reported that their access to economic resources had been controlled.

Ms Horley believes these unseen abuses are just as important to tackle as those that result in injury.

“The truth is that psychological abuse is extremely serious. Some women have told me that it is harder to cope with than physical abuse. Cuts and bruises heal, but relentless psychological torment can leave deeper scars. At Refuge, we know how to support women to overcome the trauma of domestic violence – whatever form it takes. We help women to understand that they are never to blame for abuse, and that they deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.”